He’s Holding Your Hand.
We, as believers, have to understand that no human being, no marriage, can ever fill this God-sized hole of loneliness that is in our hearts. Only Jesus Christ Himself can fill the hole of loneliness that is etched into our hearts.
If you have Instagram, or any form of social media, what’s the main thing that pops up on your popular page? Go look. Your algorithm is literally designed to match what you look at / click on most. For some people, it’s filled with videos of dogs, for my mom friends, it’s filled with ways to make their house cleaner despite their kids running around constantly throwing toys everywhere. For a lot of women, however, it’s a page full of love. Love that consists of couples spinning around on a beach, a guy proposing to the girl of his dreams, the girl finally being happy because she got what she wanted in a man.
Rarely is our algorithm ever filled with the hard side of life. The side of life that consists of the moms feeling so defeated because they can’t get anything organized and calm for a moment’s peace on any given day. Rarely is our algorithm filled with the girls who are on the opposite end of the spectrum of love — struggling to get asked out on a date by a boy they think is so sweet and fun. Rarely is our algorithm ever matched with what’s really being felt in our heart.
I’m not going to lie, I really try and avoid the posts about singleness and waiting. I think it’s great that they’re being written and talked about (aka what I’m doing….), but I tend to keep scrolling when someone posts about “joy in the waiting.”
I’ve been feeling so convicted this week, though. I feel like almost every friend in my life besides a select few are in the waiting season with relationships. They’re the girls that haven’t been asked out since they were 16. They’re the girls who are crying in the bathroom because they are so stressed out, and loneliness in their singleness is just another thing on the list. They’re the girls who have been so fervent in prayer for a man of God, but now they’re wondering if the Lord even hears their prayers at night. I mean He is the one who created marriage and says it’s holy, but they’re not seeing the fruit of it, so what’s missing?
It’s the ruminating thoughts of “what’s wrong with me, am I not beautiful enough, what does he see in other girls that I must not have?” There is so much loneliness behind those thoughts. “She’s being chosen and I’m not and I’m lonely.”
Paul has to be the most famous (and wisest) human in history to write about singleness. Goshhhh I love what he says about singleness and marriage.
About the unmarried person he says: “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:32 (ESV)
About the married person he says: “But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.” 1 Corinthians 7:33-34 (ESV)
There’s so much we can learn in these verses. These verses aren’t meant to devalue your hurt and pain — whether you’re single and lonely or you’re married and lonely. They’re there to guide us.
Here’s what I’ve learned through my loneliness in seasons:
We, as believers, have to understand that no human being, no marriage, can ever fill this God-sized hole of loneliness that is in our hearts. Only Jesus Christ Himself can fill the hole of loneliness that is etched into our hearts.
That’s honestly hard to admit. I want someone to fill that hole for me. I know that Christ can fill the hole, but I want a man to provide some sense of wholeness in my life. I want the hole to be patched by someone on earth. I want every wrong that’s ever happened and has created this feeling of loneliness to be fixed by my relationships I have on earth. That’s a lot of pressure on 1. myself and 2. on the people around me. That’s literally me, in a way, making them a god-like figure in my life. It’s beautiful that Christ created relationships (I mean He is the Author and Creator of your story and every relationship in it), but God did not create these relationships on earth for them to become the things that “fix” anything. I’ve learned from my married friends that, no matter how much their husbands try to love them, they are still not God and they somehow will still never be able to measure up……because they are not God. Makes sense. He did however create relationships — friendships, marriages, etc — on earth to help point us back to Him.
We can be content in singleness and still long for more.
I think a lot of people forget this. I was on the phone with my friend the other day and was telling her that I want so much more for my life and for my friends lives. I love where I’m at, I’m content with who Christ has made me to be, and I know He can do even more in my life. It’s okay to be content and long for more. I think, in a way, it’s just proof that there is so much more than what’s on earth. It’s a hunger for Heaven, when you get to the root of why you are constantly longing for more.
Christ is not intimidated by your bold prayers.
He already knows what’s on your heart. Before you even think it, He knows. He is not intimidated by what you ask of Him. He is overjoyed when you ask things of Him. “Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?” Matthew 7:7-11 (MSG). Continually ask of God. Ask for what you need. We think we know what we need, so it’s good to pray those prayers. But — I can promise you that what you think you need in your season, the Lord will consistently exceed those expectations. What He has for you is so much better. No prayer, when asked from a heart of humility, is small or foolish in the eyes of the Lord. Pray your bold prayers. Pray the prayers for a man who understands numbers because you don’t (I know. Weird maybe, but not foolish).
I understand. I get that loneliness is so hard, especially in singleness. But, loneliness is going to be there, no matter what season of life you’re in — single, dating, engaged, married, kids, no kids, job, no job. It’s going to be there. We live in a world that is so lost and so lonely. We live in a world that’s blinded by the god of this age. I just hope that you, friend, aren’t blinded by loneliness in your season. You, simply put, are not alone. You have a Savior who is sitting with you, holding your hand. I know it because I’ve felt Him holding my hand during the darkest, loneliest seasons of my life. He still hasn’t left me, no matter how much I’ve tried to push Him away.
My prayer for you is that you will let Him hold your hand through your season. My prayer for you is that you will remember, as you’re crying by yourself, that He is keeping “track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8 (NLT). My friend, no matter how lonely the god of this age wants to make you feel, you are not alone. Hold fast to Christ — remembering that He cares for you in your singleness, in your marriage, in whatever season of life you’re walking through. Hold fast to the Truth that Christ is holding your hand, a step ahead of you, a lamp to your feet, a light to your path.
Always your friend,
ellie.